Donald Trump shuffles his cabinet for the second, no third, no fourth time

Yep, it’s very organized. Then again, I said that about my best buddy’s Bachelor Party a week before five of us ended up drinking in pub basement at 4pm while watching a 70-year-old male stripper dance the Lambada. It’s a long story, but it was totally organized.

And is anyone else just a tad worried about use of the word “finalists”?

Okay, now I’m imagining a game show being held in Trump Tower as he quizzes potential men to fill those positions, because, as we all know, women should only be there for pussy-grabbing.

Trump: “True or False… I once said in a speech that all Poodles should be shaved and the owners who refuse to do so should be punished”

A loud tick-tock theme tune begins to play as Rudy Giuliani quickly buzzes in, his eyes resembling those of a crack addict ten hours since their last hit.

Giuliani: “False!”

Trump slowly looks up from a stack of gold-plated question cards.

Giuliani: “You actually said only Female Poodles should be shaved and that all male Poodles should be deported” he blurts out inasinglestreamofbarelyintelligablenonsense.

Trump: “Correct!”

Melania, sitting twenty feet away in a chair made from the bones of an African tribal leader killed in 1995 for refusing to open a golf course takes a moment from composing a coded text to a paid assassin to sarcastically clap.

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones sweats profusely from his podium three feet to the left of Rudy.

Trump: “Next question”

The tension is high as Alex Jones considers whether Trump is actually a member of the Illuminati. He tries to calculate whether he could reach him in time to tear his skin-mask off and reveal the lizard beneath before the Secret Service gun him down.

Trump: “How many times have I masturbated to the thought of using Nuclear weapons?”

Alex Jones wets himself as Melania hits send on the Tweet saying “January 21st, make sure my plane is ready”.

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